The Seven Sins Of Gaming
Feature
Playing video games teaches us a lot of things...a lot of bad things that is. We take a look at how sinful we really are as gamers. Looks like a one way trip to Hell for us!
Now when talking about being lazy in videogames you will probably picture coming last place in races or having to retry an arbitrary timed section from your least favourite platformer. But rather than highlight these somewhat mild consequences for this particular sin, let’s focus instead on the more dire consequences of Sloth.
Case in point: Heavy Rain.
In Heavy Rain players are tasked with controlling a cast of four interesting and unique characters as they work to uncover the identity of the game's resident serial child murderer known only as the “Origami Killer”. Much of the game involves completing quick time events in a game-long race against the clock. If the player fails on too many occasions, the latest victim will lose their battle with a well full of rain water, so I conclude that:
Sloth kills children.
Number 5: Wrath
This one's going to be an easy one as we all know who in videogames teaches us best about getting pissed off.
Wrath can naturally best be depicted by Kratos in the God of War series. Who embodies cold-blooded fury more than he? This guy is so angry with the Gods that he literally climbs Mount Olympus to kill them with a variety of sharp magical maguffins on chains. Therefore we can conclude that:
Wrath inevitably leads to Deicide (and therefore Atheism by virtue of all the Gods being dead)
Number 6: Envy
We all want something another guy's got in the world of gaming, be it that suit of enchanted armour in World of Warcraft or those little numbers next to our names in Call of Duty that show everyone what a sad bastard we are for having spent more hours playing it than we did attending school. For the most part, we can achieve what the other party has by putting in more game time (as the developers need that carrot on the string to keep consumers giving them money), but in the rare cases in which that is not possible, odd things happen.
You may recall the case a few years back of a guy trading a limited edition Dragon Sabre to his friend on Legends of Mir 3, the friend having hounded him for months to let him borrow the once-in-a-lifetime weapon. Now bored with the Sabre, the friend then sold it in-game and pocketed the gold pieces. The initial dude was so furious he went around his friend's house and stabbed him with a knife, as the police have no power over the theft of a nonexistent piece of metalwork. There’s a lesson to be learned there, kids:
In-game Envy leads to real-life homicide.
Number 7: Pride
God knows why Pride is noted as the most serious of the cardinal sins, if it were true every gamer who ever uttered the word “owned” after killing a foe online would be cast into a lake of fiery sulphur. Being prideful, in my opinion, is something natural to feel after accomplishment, so long as you aren't a complete dick about it.
So where in gaming can we learn about Pride? Well the most glaring examples are the fact that almost any game made nowadays have online leaderboards. Being at the top of said leaderboards is generally such an outright daunting task that it seems certain the people who get there have literally no social lives and never sleep, but most importantly are SINGLE. That's right, if you care that much about being the best, you need to learn that:
Pride makes you less attractive to the opposite sex.
How Sinful Are You?
Well that's all seven. Thinking about it, there's so much more gaming teaches us about the world. Link teaches us that going into people's houses and breaking their pots is okay if you're a little white blonde boy. Solid Snake teaches us that the most advanced piece of espionage technology is a cardboard box, and Pac-man poignantly outlines the fact that consuming prescription medication in large quantities makes the ghosts go away.
I'm going to leave it there before I reel off everything I've taken in since 1990. I hope this was enlightening, and if you have anything to add please let me know - increasing one's knowledge helps you deflect incoming spells as any RPG player will be aware.