The Seven Sins Of Gaming

The Seven Sins Of Gaming


Playing video games teaches us a lot of things...a lot of bad things that is. We take a look at how sinful we really are as gamers. Looks like a one way trip to Hell for us!

I was going to write a piece on what gaming has taught me, but not in the prophetic and straight faced way but in a more satirical fashion. Gaming teaches us things like the health replenishing effect of eating chicken found in a dustbin, and that death is not the end as long as you have another coin to put in the machine. I realized that gaming teaches us so much I would have to condense the piece to a few bullet points, but what to choose?

As with many people before me, in a time of need I turned to the Bible (I found it holding up the wobbly leg of the kitchen table) and in a moment of clarity I decided upon writing about what gaming teaches us about the seven deadly sins. So, let's get started. Who knows, if this goes well we could all write an entire lexicon on the lessons that videogames have taught us.

Number 1: Lust
The Seven Sins Of Gaming

There is a cornucopia of games to pick from that teach us about Lust in some form. From it being the driving force of the story, the reason for the hero's downfall or a minigame you would have to play when nobody is looking (I’m talking to you, God of War). Leaving out those ‘top-shelf’ sex videogames in which Lust is all you do, I’m going to say that the Fable series can teach us a lot about Lust; mainly that it's natural and healthy but can lead to some awkward moments.

In any given Fable title, the player has the choice to marry and have their way with as many people as they please of any sex they prefer. There's even the choice to have both protected and unprotected sex should you wish to start a family (or avoid nasty diseases). This of course teaches us about the birds and the bees, but the real lesson is learned when you succumb to lust entirely and decide to “play away” with a strumpet out of wedlock and your spouse finds out. They will confront you about it, voices will be raised, reputations tarnished and you will quickly realize that you can avoid any backlash if you learn the following lesson:

Lust can be forgiven if you kill all those who witnessed it.

Number 2: Gluttony
The Seven Sins Of Gaming

Again, lots to choose from with Gluttony. Food appears across all genres, whether staving off hunger in Fallout: New Vegas or replenishing health in Streets of Rage. But how to learn about Gluttony specifically? Not just eating to survive, but eating to the point of excess. After a bit of a brainstorm, I found inspiration in the classic Metal Slug series, a side-scrolling shoot-em-up that I highly recommend you try as it's unlike anything you'll have played before.

Now, being a side-scrolling arcade shooter, the player has to avoid being shot at all costs as one hit will kill you (harsh, but true) so food items don't have the classic use of being a health pick up. The Gluttony part comes in to play when the player consumes a very large amount of food items in a short time span, transforming their nimble gunslinger into a tubby little fella that jiggles as they run. Oddly, whilst in this altered state the firepower of the character increases dramatically and the explosive range of their bombs is doubled, in short:

Gluttony turns you into a badass killing machine.

Number 3: Greed
The Seven Sins Of Gaming

Oh come on, that's an easy one. Acquiring wealth in videogames is more than often the goal of the game! Take any business simulation or tycoon type game that requires you to accumulate wealth in order to make things run smoothly and it's obvious that greed is a good thing. Rather than picking from one of those examples I instead want to illustrate a bad thing about Greed that gaming teaches us.

For this I turn back time to the NES days and the original Super Mario Bros., which has two shining examples. The first being that if you take time out to collect every shiny coin you come across including the ones hidden in blocks you'll run out of time and die. The second example comes in the form of the notorious mushrooms which when unleashed, scamper as fast as they can to the right side of the screen which usually ends in you sprinting head first into a monster or down a pit, so I can safely conclude that:

Greed always ends with death.