Fist of Jesus
Review
Beat-em-up, Jesus style
by Quinn Levandoski
reviewed on PC
Brawling and RPG Elements (cntd)
To succeed you are pretty much be mashing the space bar non-stop, yet hit the meter early (which you will, because you’re trying to crush the attack command), and it goes away. “But Quinn” you say, “just stop button mashing. It wants you to use your timing!” Well, no, that doesn’t really work. Slow down your attacks and you will become overwhelmed and die. Plus, the insta-kill prompts pop up seemingly randomly, so there’s no real way to strategies your hit patterns.
Fists of Jesus advertises itself not only as a brawler, but as an RPG as well. It’s true, you can level up things like hit strength, health, and special power for Jesus and Judas, but nothing really changes. You can choose to drop your cash into health instead of attacks to make yourself a bit tankier, but it’s not like dropping those points are unlocking new abilities or moves. You can just take more damage or deal more. It’s really quite boring, and that’s the extent of the RPG elements. I would have loved to see at least the specials (which include things like huge explosions and meteoric stars of Bethlehem) get some tiered perks or lighting upgrade trees, because they are pretty cool, but once you have them you have them.
Presentation
The presentation is something being pushed heavy with Fists of Jesus, and, as seems to be a running theme, it’s just fine. Obviously with a premise as off-the-wall as this title has, the game tries to instill a good dose of humor. I know humor is incredibly subjective, but it just didn’t land most of the time with me. Yes it’s funny the first few times you see Jesus rip someone’s heart out. Yes I let out a light chuckle with some of the twists on popular Christian lore. After not too long, however, the “shock” of the premise wears off, and the writing just wasn’t strong enough to keep me laughing at all.
The audio and visuals were a mixed bag as well. The best way I can describe the way the game looks and sounds is that it really seems like I’m playing a mobile game on my computer. That can be hard to substantiate, but it will be immediately familiar to anyone who’s downloaded one of the many similar-genre games from the App Store or Google Play store. The graphics are simplistic with thick dark lines and exaggerated animations. The user interface consists of minimal, large buttons. That being said, the general art style is attractive. The models are, for lack of a better term, adorable, and the colors brightly pop. It’s not the most technically impressive from a visual standpoint, but it is fun to look at. The music is simple and repetitive, and, for that matter, doesn’t really fit with me. I must be going crazy because to me it sounded like something from the soundtrack of a western, not something biblical.
Final Thoughts
There are good games, there are bad games, and there are games that just kind of sit somewhere in the middle, and the latter are perhaps the most forgettable. I don’t regret the time I spent playing Fists of Jesus, but I don’t think it’s an experience that I’m going to remember a few months from now. It’s not that it does anything particularly wrong. There are some things I would have liked to see done a bit differently, but nothing is bad, per se. It’s just that nothing is done any better than games I’ve paid 99 cents for on my mobile device, or a number of games I’ve played free in my browser. If you’re dead set on some side-scrolling action, give it a shot. Maybe the humor will connect better with you. For me, though, I’m afraid it’s going to need more than three days to raise from my game collection graveyard.
6.5
fun score
Pros
Nice art style, funny general premise.
Cons
Lacking in progression/upgrades, humor runs dry fast, uninspired music and combat.
