3. No Matter What Dialogue Path You Take, The Hot Chick NPC Will Never Like You
Facts of life, my friends. Isn’t it always the same though, and playing Mass Effect 3 this week has reassured me of my hypothesis, that the hottest NPC character in your game will never like you. Meaning, they’ll never have sex with you. Commander Shepard is this incredibly badass, universe renowned, gun wielding character…not to mention he’s good looking too…and yet the female characters aboard the Normandy act like he’s got the HIV. Meanwhile, it’s like buying prostitutes concerning the game’s male characters. Yes, if you were not aware, you can have homosexual relations with the Normandy’s male characters as well…well every one of them except Joker. Now I don’t go on homosexual dating adventures in real life but I’ve been swatted away by women plenty of times. I’m a reasonably good looking dude, I’m relatively badass, in my day job I do tote around a gun (I enforce the law for money), and I’m known as “that guy with the annoying dogs that bark all night” on my street…so I’m kind of renowned. So why is it that the hot chicks never like me? Simply put…we good looking dudes are too good for them. There you go, the secret’s out! So the next time you’re playing Mass Effect or Dragon Age or any other game that allows you to hit on a chick with the unlikely reward of getting in her digital panties, remember it’s always them, not you.
2. Change isn’t always a bad thing...
If there is one definitive thing that video games have taught me, it is is that change is not always the worst thing in the world. Take the progression of video game console controllers over the years. They went from the NES style of a directional pad and an “A” and a “B” button, to the odd butterfly-shaped layout of the Nintendo 64 controller in all of its “C-stick” glory. But you know what? I loved that N64 controller. It was awkward and appalling at first glance and when first grabbed it you didn’t really know how to hold it. A little bit at a time though you slowly grew to love it...well I did anyways. Then came along the Gamecube controller that completely abandoned the innovative idea in favor of traditional controllers going back to the NES style of layout. Microsoft and Sony have always had a traditional controller and its served them well. Especially Sony, as their controller has not really changed at all through the years. However, Nintendo has taught me to at least give change a chance. Everyone was on board with the innovative Wiimote controller and now the Wii U tablet controller looks to revolutionize the controller layout once again. Will it work out for Nintendo? Who knows, but I know I’m going to at least give it a try.
1. The Action-Adventure Game Genre Is Dying
How do we save it? Really, what was the last great action-adventure game? Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception? Yes, the Uncharted games have given some life back to the genre but eventually the world is going to grow tired of Nathan Drake and all of his climbing/treasure hunting/shooting glory. The stories are top notch and the game play is outstanding, there is just not enough of it to go around. The world needs more “Monkey” and “Mario” and “Link” and any other video game hero out there that trekked over a gigantic map to save a princess or scaled buildings and wild terrain trying to recover lost treasure. Imagine if the world didn’t have the action-adventure genre that we all remember from our youth? We’d be in a world stuck in first-person shooter mediocrity. We’d be in a land full of mediocre Call of Duty titles and boring Medal of Honor games. The Homefronts of the world would laugh at our outside-the-lines way of thinking. We’d live side-by-side on a planet dictated by terrible racing titles where all you do is go around and around while suffering pixelated graphics and terrible house music (noise?). Stand up, my video game brethren, stand up for equality and more quantity of action-adventure games everywhere!