Why I Hate The Wii

That last post got me all angry about the Nintendo Wii, it deserves to be brought down a peg or two that whore of a gaming console, how dare it offer entertainment to a casual audience and parade around like a social fitness tool. Nintendo always was a more acceptable face of gaming but now it is down right ridiculous, I demand it sent to Room 101.

I think the main reason why I hate the Wii is it's popularity. If masses of people tell me something is great my opinion will hop to the over side of the street and walk in reverse, I am that much of an awkward twit. The same goes for The Dark Knight and Call of Duty 4. Tell me something is great and I will go out of my way to find the faults of it and focus Solly upon them. Maybe the console isn't so bad, maybe it is my stuck up and bigoted attitude to others.

Secondary reasons for my hate are numerous. Nintendo has always been known for it's great in-house titles. The development teams that Nintendo has are little short of awesome. Games like Mario, Zelda and Metroid attract people to Nintendo. I personally bought a GameCube just for Wind Waker and Mario Sunshine. These titles are simply too good to pass up. The problem with the Wii for me is that it lacks these titles, they simply do not seem as appealing as they once did, these titles that inspired a purchase of the N64 and GameCube do not inspire with the Wii, there is a reason for this.

The control system is an awful gimmick. To put it short it seems to restrict the console more than it allows it to create and imagine. It means that simple cross-console games cannot be easily transferred to Wii. A simple game such as Zelda doesn't need to be played like a sofa bound ninja, the game feels comfortable with a normal pad. Sure you can buy a pad but what's the point, most of the games want you to dick around with the Wii Remote and Nun-Chuck. My major problem with this is that the system is all that inventive. Most games require the action of moving them up and down like rolling a drum stick. It seems odd that every mini-game is exactly the same and it is hailed as excellent by the Bovine Public.

Maybe I am just an angry nerd with spare time and posts to fill? I hate the Wii with burning passion. The lack of Nintendo titles aside, there isn't any games which make it a worthwhile title. I cannot stand RockBand neither can I enjoy party games. This seems to be all the Wii offers, nothing seems like a definitive gamers game, everything is laden with a single gimmick which makes it the perfect device for a "zaney" aunt to whip out of the cupboard to impress bored teenagers, as if to say "hey I am hip and cool, look at me rave with some rabbits, aren't I so youthful".

Wii Fit is something which now embodies the anti-Christ and what is wrong with this world. People will now instead of physically going out and enjoying sport, will sit indoors and pretend to water ski, like a fucking idiot. I hope people see them through open windows, return home and cut themselves at just how horrible the world has become. Sure I play FIFA but I do not pretend I am playing football, these people now believe that ten minutes on this device will make them fit and healthy, it is the tool of the idiot. It makes me die a little inside every time I see an enthusiastic GAME employee shift one of these "things".

Has the bile inspired rant gone on long enough? Have I clearly described why the Wii is shit and why I am right? No doubt I will read back through this post and realise it says nothing but "die Nintendo you creative piece of shit". Do I hate this machine because deep down I am a lonely and solipsistic being, caring not for others as I am all important and knowing? Oh well, let me put my pen of rage back were it belongs. Until next time readers.

On a side note, wait for next weeks installment when I pronounce how I bought a Wii because they slashed away seven pounds from the price tag. I will no doubt pass it off as a career purchase rather than for party entertainment.