-The screens just lit up with a montage, as Mario would say, "here we go!"
-Heeeeere's Cammy, Dunaway that is
-She's talking about how everyone in the auditorium is involved in video games
-This woman's a robot
-She's talking about how big the video game industry is and how its growth is due to targeting non-gamers
-She says Nintendo is trying to grow their audience by attempting to 'create, surprise'
-She says that Nintendo will bring complete innovation and smaller surprises
-Sounds like it's time to start talking games

-A montage of Mario games past is showing, looks like we've got a new mario game coming
-Cammy says everyone remembers Mario's move to 3d, but they haven't yet figured out how to move Mario into the 4th dimension, whatever that means
-"For the past 15 years Mr. Miyamoto has been thinking about one new way to let you play a Mario game that's never been possible before"
-The answer is "New Super Mario Bros for Wii"
-Here's Bill Trinen from the Treehouse group
-New SMB will be more than just more levels, enemies and items, it's also more players
-It looks like New SMB for DS but with four players simultaneously and prize blocks give out an item for each player
-New item: The propellor suit, waggling the Wiimote will launch you into the air
-The screen pans in and out based on proximity of players, sort of like Bionic Commando Rearmed
-Players are ranked at the end of each level
-Not sure how they can label it "never before possible," this could have been made on the N64. Regardless I can't wait to play it
-They're done demoing
-It will be available Holiday season 2009

-Cammy's moving on to Wii Fit now
-Wii Fit has been the best selling videogame in america and around the world over the past 13 months, she says
-She says the balance board is being considered a platform due to its large install base
-Nintendo has been looking at how to make Wii Fit better and more beneficial
-The result is Wii Fit Plus
-It is "something for everyone"
-You can be your "own personal trainer"
-6 new excercises
-WF Plus will be better with targeting specific areas and will monitor burned calories
-New 'fun' activities will include juggling, skateboarding and a game that will involve platform jumping and dodging obstacles
-Wii Fit Plus will be available Fall '09 and can be purchased with a balance board or seperately

-Here comes the Regginator, Reggie Fils-Aime
-He says Nintendo havs become part of mainstream culture
-the primary driving force is 'interface,' with the Wiimote, then the nunchuck, then the balance board
-I think Reggie is a robot too
-Reggie is talking about the Wii Motion Plus, (WMP), now
-Time for a video montage of WMP goodness
-The video is showing off the WMP controlling minigames in Wii Sports Resort, stuff we saw at last year's E3
-Reggie is bring
ing out Bill Trinen to demo the WMP and Wii Sports Resort
-He's showing off the intro to Wii Sports Resort, apparently it will involve skydiving
-The controller is moving the skydiver in true 1:1, it looks pretty basic but it's a slick intro for the game
-The parachute opens and Wii Sports Resort is printed on the top
-Time to see archery
-The bow is controller by holding the Wiimote/WMP as the bow shaft and pulling the nunchuck back like a bowstring
-It looks fun and intuitive
-Trinen is bringing Reggie back out for a 3-point basketball contest
-Reggie: "I hope you shoot baskets better than you shoot arrows"
-Awkward banter ensues, scattered nervous laughter in the audience
-They're starting to shoot now
-They use the controller to reach down and pick up the ball, then shoot
-The player moves around the 3-point line and shoots from different angles
-Reggie wins and Trinen leaves the stage

-Reggie is talking about third party support for WMP
-Tiger Woods 10 will incorporate and be sold with WMP
-Grand Slam Tennis and Virtua Tennis 2009 will both include WMP support
-Reggie says now you can suck in-game as bad as you do in real life
-Red Steel 2 will be only playable with WMP, no gameplay shown
-More third party games were sold for Wii and DS last year than other platforms

-Reggie's talking about RPGs now
-An exclusive open-world RPG for Wii from Square Enix
-Video is playing, looks like a new Crystal Chronicles
-Yep, FF: Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers
-Now we're seeing video of a new Kingdom Hearts on Wii
-If you've seen or played Kingdom Hearts before, there aren't any suprises here
-Reggie is talking about Bowser now
-Showing a video of Mario and Luigi: Bowsers Inside Story, the art looks like the previous games
-Mario and Luigi play on the inside of Bowser on the bottom screen and Bowser is shown on the top screen
-It will be available in NA and Europe Fall 2009
-Reggie's teasing another RPG
-Golden Sun DS! A video is being shown
-They managed to capture the look of Golden Sun in 3D and it looks spectacular on DS
-Nice spell effects

-Cammy is back
-She's talking about how DS is a great place for third parties due to the install base of over 100 million
-The large install base allows developers to take chances
-Segue to James Patterson's Women's Murder Club: Games of Passion for DS
-It looks like Pheonix Wright with puzzle games mixed in gameplay-wise
-Now she's talking about a new gritty game
-Cop: The Recruit for DS by Ubisoft
-Gameplay wise looks like GTA III, but squeezed onto DS
-Time for a fashion game
-"Style Savvy" for DS, aimed at pre-teens to 20-somethings
-Cammy: "Nintendo DS = diversity"

-Talking about DSi now
-They're showing a video of people talking about the DSi, seems pretty canned
-Cammy says the DSi complements the DS lite due to the different features
-DSi has sold 2 million units in the past 2 months, DS lite has sold 400,000
-She's showing off Moving Memo now, now it will be called Flipnotes Studio and be available in the US this summer
-Mario vs. Donkey Kong: Minis March Again will include a level creator and will be available through DSiWare on June 8th
-Levels will be sharable with other game owners
-WarioWare: DiY will allow players to create their own microgames through an in-depth creation tool
-Player-made microgames will be sharable
-DSi will be able to upload images directly to facebook
-Time to talk about Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
-What the hell, she moved on without showing it!?!
-Time for another video montage, there doesn't seem to be any point to it

-Cammy just swapped with Satoru Iwata
-I think he was born smug
-Nintendo splits people into three groups, active gamers, people who will never play, and people who might play
-Nintendo targets the maybes
-295 million people actively play games, he says
-149 million people say they might be interested in getting involved
-This all sounds incredibly scientific
-The nintendo goal is to create games that can satisfy every kind of game player even though skill levels and experiences are widely varied
-"making it harder for newcomers to join is dangerous"
-lowering the bar will not satisfy skilled players
-Iwata uses examples like Donkey Kong and Space Invaders to illustrate games that appeal to new gamers and skilled gamers
-He says Mario Kart Wii was a game like this and Wii Sports Resort and New Super Mario Bros Wii will be as well

-Iwata rhetorically asks what is next after Brain Age and Wii Fit?
-What the hell is this?
-He just announced that the next big thing is the "Wii Vitality Sensor," a clip for your finger, like you see at a doctors office that will monitor heart rate and other vitals
-I'm tempted to think this is a joke but he sounds serious, auditorium is pin-drop silent
-Iwata says it will help people relax
-Now Iwata is leaving, still looking smug

-Cammy is back, talking about Mario again
-A new 3D mario for Wii
-Time for another video
-It's another Mario Galaxy!
-Looks like there's some interesting new gameplay in this one, including Yoshi
-Super Mario Galaxy 2, no release date mentioned

-Reggie is back, he says he hears people in the blogs talking about wanting more
-He says there will be new, edgier games coming out as well for Wii
-He's showing a trailer of the Conduit, it looks promising, comes out in three weeks
-Now he's talking about Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles
-A trailer is showing, visuals are remeniscent of RE4, but an on-rails shooter
-It must be time for Dead Space: Extraction
-Yep, showing a trailer, it's graphically pretty impressive for a Wii game

-Reggie is teasing a new, edgier Nintendo developed game
-He says they brought in a traditionally mature developer to help
-Team Ninja? Yeah it's the Team Ninja logo
-It's something in space
-WHOA it's Samus, a new metroid!
-This is the best looking game graphically I've seen on Wii
-It looks like there's some side-scrolling and some third person action
-Metroid: The Other M, it will take players deeper into Samus' story and the Metroid universe

-Reggie's reiterating the conference bullet points now, looks like we're at the end!

In an interview in Club Nintendo magazine, (roughly translated by the website Nintendo Everything), Reggie Fils-Aime and Shigeru Miyamoto offer vague, half answers regarding a much-needed storage solution for the Nintendo Wii.

From the website:


So it seems that Nintendo plans to investigate and possibly release a storage solution of some sort that may or may not be a hard drive and they plan on announcing it in the future rather than shocking everyone by hopping in the Delorean, going back in time and announcing it in the past. Boy am I glad that's cleared up!

Also in the article

• Miyamoto reiterates that Nintendo is working on the next Zelda, which I'm happy about but honestly isn't any more shocking than Toyota saying they plan on releasing a 2008 model Corolla.


• Miyamoto states that there shouldn't be too many more peripherals for the Wii.


• There will be no Wii demos on the Nintendo Channel and no Nintendo DS redesign until sales slowdown.

I have a long standing theory that Shigeru Miyamoto read Harrison Bergeron while growing up and completely missed the point. Now that I've played Mario Kart Wii, I'm more certain than ever. If you haven't read the story, then read it. It's extremely short and more than worth your time. Just replace the shotgun at the end with a blue spiked turtle shell.


(comic found on Penny-Arcade)