'Twas The Day After Christmas

It's that time of year again!

'Twas the day after Christmas
And all through our home,
Conditions resembled the Downfall of Rome.
The toys were all broken, and under the tree
Lay tinsel and stencils and piles of debris.
The children, chuck full of turkey and roux
Were claiming they had nothing, but nothing to do.
My wife in her nightgown, and I with my pills
Were gazing with loathing at the great mound of bills.

When from the front yard came a cry of alarm!
Could it be that dear Santa had broken an arm?
"Let's get him!" I yelled, "Don't let him scoot!
Until he's taken back some of this loot!"
[He had loaded us up with time payment stuff
Until I was certain we had more than enough.]

'Twas Santa alright, but he carried no pack;
He had traded it in on a new Cadillac.
"Have a Merry!" he cried, "And now where's my dough?
I've come to collect all that you owe!"
"But, Santa, " I replied, "you're a jolly old elf,
I thought you took care of the payments yourself!"
"Ho-ho," he responded, 'you're kidding no doubt.
With me that old-fashioned giving is out!
For me and those reindeer that Christmas is through!
Now pay up fast, boy, or my lawyers will sue!"
I knew I was in trouble well over my head
When dear St. Nick sneered and then said,
"The price of my services has to be met!"
It was three dollars more than the National Debt.

"Alright then!" I said, "You can take it all!
The toys, the packages, all out in the hall;
The house, the car, the rec room bar!
We spent it all, but we had a reason:
'Tis the thing one does during the Christmas season!
Let's take a look at the account of our folly,
And then we'll see if it is the season to be jolly!

"Ten gallons of perfume: was that money well spent?
At least you can't say we didn't leave you a (s)cent!
What's this? Twenty bucks for dear Aunt Min?
That's a rock-bottom price for two cases of gin.
And here's a hundred dollars for a computer game
That little Jimmy tells me is really pretty lame.
And Mom's new mink will look great, of course,
When cruising with Dad in their brand new Porsche."

"Enough!" said Santa, "It's time that I went.
Sign here; the interest is only 19%."
Then he added with a sly little laugh,
"For nightwork I'm now getting time-and-a-half!"
Then laying the due bill aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his car, gave his chauffeur a poke,
Then vanished from sight in a haze of blue smoke.

But as he departed, he shouted what I dreaded to hear:

"Save up!

I'll be back!

And in only a year!"



HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY SEASON!